I’m currently surviving my PhD, somewhere midway through it. On this journey we often meet a lot of P (people) go through H (hell) and sometimes feel like life is being a D (no parentheses for this inappropriate word). Here’s my mental health rant for you if you’re in the same boat as me and feel like you need some empathy.

You are not defined by your publications or your project.

You’re a wonderful human being. Maybe you’re really passionate about your research but that’s only one aspect of your life. Maybe you love gardening, maybe you’re a loving parent, a committed partner, an artist or a gamer. You’re all those things, but most importantly at the end of the day you’re only a piece of consciousness. Don’t let your project or your publications make or break you. Enjoy the journey, make friends, sing in the lab, and largely focus on the secret Netflix binge at your desk after hours.

Make a list of things you like about your supervisors the day before a supervisory meeting.

You’ll find a list of admirable qualities in Lord Voldemort if you looked up on the internet. Maybe your supervisor is a Ramsay Bolton though and you’re finding it miserably challenging. Know that in real life the guy who plays Ramsay is just incredibly handsome AND he sings! He/She are in this negative character called ‘the supervisor' at the moment, but I’m sure all human beings have something worth admiring and I would encourage forcing yourself to do this exercise even if you really aren’t up to it. Going into a supervisory meeting with a negative mindset does more harm to you than it does to them. Remember that ‘hurt people, hurt people’ and try to see things from their perspective and I’m sure you’ll come out feeling not as bad as you expected.

Seek help.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it a billion times. I truly believe that everyone should at least once at some point of time in their lives see a therapist. A PhD can potentially be a period of great suffering that can make us rise like a phoenix coming out of it’s ashes. Even though all our strength lies within us, sometimes getting assistance to bring out the best in us can do magic. Therapy days are my favorite days. I feel so much lighter when my emotions are well managed and I can focus on being otherwise productive.

Meditate and allow intuition to speak.

Oftentimes we have to make choices in our daily life while doing a PhD. While there is heaps of data on the internet to guide us, sometimes I believe, (no matter how scientific you are) allowing intuition or the ‘gut feeling’ to guide us, is there right thing to do. In order to let the inner voice speak though, it is important to meditate, breathe and be in the present as often as you can. Make time for this and you’ll see how much time you can save for other things that you value.

Be social.

Don’t have lunch alone. Make small talk on the elevator and give compliments. People around you are as stressed as you are if not more. It is a three year long emotional rollercoaster ride that you can’t get off. If it’s hard for you, it must be for other people too, in their own ways of course. Smile at them and ask them how they are. There is immense joy in the feeling of contribution, you’ll know it when you help someone with using a software or a sharing protocol with someone.

We are all going to die.

Sometimes a long journey like a PhD feels very endless. There is so much pressure about passing confirmations, final seminars and publishing those papers. They are just words written on a piece of paper and these are just imagined milestones that multiple people have agreed upon. Three years is a tiny chunk of a long life given the human lifespan is increasing rapidly. However, Valar Morghulis. All men must die. Including the ones who have a PhD. Women too. Not today. But the God of Death will come for come for us someday. And these years will be a tiny glimpse passing before our eyes then. Hopefully a happy glimpse and a meaningful one full of lessons that made us a better human.