The story of my divorce with Netflix
Although, I have titled this by using the conventional term ‘divorce’, what I’ve had with my relationship with Netflix is something I’d rather call “conscious uncoupling”. Divorce is an outdated concept anyway, what the world needs is more conscious decisions of separation. No, don’t laugh. Don’t joke about it. This is serious business. Serious conscious business.
I’ve had a great relationship with Netflix in the past. She was around when I broke up with my boyfriend, or that crush turned me down, when I didn’t get the promotion I was hoping for, rejection letters from universities and potential supervisors. Some days we would have a three way with a random ice cream tub, you know, just to add more flavour to our relationship. But it was always us. Long nights of bingeing, long days of waiting until the new season of my favourite show was out. It was a long relationship of two and a half years. But October last year, things started to change. Something new came into my life.
It all began when my sister introduced me to something new. Netflix wasn’t too insecure. It was just a motivational video. I’ve seen those before. Heaps of them. They are insightful and wonderful and help me see things differently. But when it comes to comfort, Netflix was sure that’s where I’d go. I’d go home. To my bed, in the pyjamas, with some snacks. That’s where I belonged, to reruns of Bojack Horseman, or an hour long contemplation of what I should be watching, maybe it was just Harry Potter day. How could something related to personal growth be a threat to my stable relationship with Netflix?
Sure I was heavily into improving my own mental health and working on myself. I always made notes before and after my therapy sessions. But waking up early and meditating, that’s just ideal shit that super successful and extraordinary people do. Not me, I am Jayanti from October 2018. I am amongst the ordinary ones with moderate aspirations, no desire to change the world, just live everyday as it comes and look out for myself. But it began with one video, just to see what my sister was talking about. A video about building your intuition. Something I had never heard before. To me, intuition was always so black and white. You either have it or you don’t. It’s not a skill you can inculcate. How silly!
Netflix gave a smug smile. She knew this stuff wasn’t going to last. She knew that I had lost any connection I had with myself. She knew I was angry with the idea of intuition or “gut feelings” since my last boyfriend broke up with me saying he has a “gut feeling” things won’t work between us. But to her surprise, it didn’t stop at one video. I had to answer the three most important questions and I had to meditate with the six phase meditation. With all these growing numbers, insecurity started brewing. The biggest worry was when I went to Amazon and ordered a pile of self help and personal growth books. It was hard to stop me. I was officially cheating on entertainment with personal growth, and everyone could tell. My housemate came up to me and said “Being around you now feels like this unstoppable 24*7 TedTalk mode”. I had work colleagues walk up to me saying “Talk to me for a while. I need some motivation”.It was out in the open then, everyone could see that I had changed. Netflix knew too. The occasional sign in comforted her, but in her heart she knew it was almost time now. Sunday mornings were now all about making notes. Listening to a talk, learning a new meditation practice, improving my health. Dedicated yoga classes, regular journalling, consistent attendance at Toastmasters and taking the bloody risk of asking for opportunities and seeking every opportunity like I had 48 hours in my day, these were signs. Signs of becoming extraordinary.
In her heart, she was happy. When I cut the ties, was she even surprised? I hardly think so. She knew that my heart was somewhere else now. I didn’t need to binge away surrendering to entertainment with ice cream or wine to forget about my bad dates or meetings gone wrong. I didn’t have to ignore the worry or misery. I had the power to reprocess it. I was on the path of becoming ‘unfuckwithable’. And so she made her peace. She did ask me a bunch of questions on email later. “Why did you do this?”, “Please tell me if you change your mind”, “Have you signed up for something else?”, “If yes, what have you subscribed to?”- this one was probably the hardest for her, but I had to be honest and I answered “Mindvalley”.
But don’t you be sad for us. Break ups are a part of life, and thanks to the idea of “conscious uncoupling” (hah!), we are still friends! My housemates will occasionally insist that we hang out together with her, and we do. They are still fond of her, and why wouldn’t they be? She is lovely! And friendship is a beautiful different side of our relationship that we didn’t know of. We are so much better off as friends. She understands that I live with a purpose now and has made her peace. I am ever so grateful for the comfort she has provided in the past. But it was time to let go and embrace something that brings me meaning, facilitates my growth and allows me to make contribution to this big beautiful world. It was time to let go and embrace my new relationship. It was time to get Mindvalley-ed.
